I Won’t Tell You…Everybody seems to have an opinion once they know you have a disease, and what you should do to ‘fix’ it. I know this is done out of love, it is so hard to see our loved ones have an illness. But here, on my blog, in my tiny cyberspace of our big, crazy internet...
My Endo StoryMy endo story is sadly, not so different from most; excruciating pain, fatigue, constant bloating, nausea, vomiting. Being swept aside and told it’s all in my head. Surgery. Hormones. Alternative medicine. Stubborn symptoms that keep returning. Here’s how it all began...
About MeI was born and raised in Oregon, so cool, rainy temperate rain forests feel right at home for me. I love nature, trees, animals, gardening and spending time outdoors. I am a member of TreeSisters. I’m madly in love with my husband and our life, where ever it takes us.We lived in Spain for three years, where I fell in love with cooking, family oriented culture, ancient stone paved roads, outlaying towns, and drove a car only once because in Europe, one can relax on train rides to arrive to most destinations…. Read more…
About this Blog
I’m twenty years into my journey with endo. Twenty years, half of which I’ve been able to remain symptom free through both alternative therapies and modern medicine. But in 2011 it all came back, with a vengeance. What had helped before was no longer proving effective. So, in 2015, at the advice of my doctor I attempted to stay on birth control continuously, again, to stop the hemorrhaging during my periods. It backfired.
I had been bleeding nonstop for a total of 3 months, with only a few weeks of light spotting in between a full on flow. I laid in my bed, completely exhausted and drained, barely feeling my life energy. Every attempt to stand up and walk around left me with my heart pounding furiously in my head. My iron levels were 7.5 and I was on the verge of needing a blood transfusion. Thankfully a midwife recommended some herbs to me for heavy bleeding, and I was able to at least get that symptom under control.
The thought of starting this blog presented itself to me, something I had thought of many times but never did. Words for one of my first blog posts circled softly in my mind. It built, layer upon layer into the first paragraph. I wondered if I should start writing, but I was too exhausted to move. But the idea persisted, and I began to feel a light, exhilarating tingle enter through the top of my head, filling my body. One tingle became two, two became two thousand. My whole body was suddenly buzzing and vibrantly alive. I was able to sit up in bed. The message was clear. “Yes! Begin this blog! Write… Write!”
I have kept this disease a secret for the most part of my life, because I was afraid of attracting negativity, being defined by the disease and other’s judgements, and people feeling free to say whatever b.s. is on their mind, directed at me and my body. I didn’t want to have to manage that added energy on my already full plate. I also didn’t want to potentially reinforce any existing negative belief systems or ideas I may have had related to this dis-ease.
I never wanted to associate myself with a disease or identify myself with any illness. But in the last 3 years the symptoms became so bad that I could no longer keep it to myself. People didn’t understand why I wasn’t showing up and I could no longer slide by with minor excuses and cover up stories. In these past three years I’ve found that writing about it helped me emotionally quite a bit, so here I am. Writing about this publicly feels like the ultimate surrender right now. People’s reactions and what they do with it is out of my hands. So I’m creating this blog as an offering for transformation, healing, and liberation.
So, here I am sisters. I am writing this for you and I am writing this for me and my life urges. I am writing this for every mother, daughter, sister, grandmother, and man who has ever loved or been with someone who suffers with this terrible dis-ease. My hopes are that you may find some inspiration in what I have to say, that I may find more peace through expressing what it’s like to live with this disease, and that as I reach out, I may lend a helping hand to other women, who may also be suffering in their own quiet way.
I’ve found that relating to people who know exactly what it’s like to walk in these shoes is one of the most healing experiences I could ask for. Thank you, endo sisters. Welcome to my blog. It’s going to be a journey, and I am not sure where it is taking me just yet, but I hope that it inspires all of us and helps us raise awareness about endometriosis, painful periods, and women’s health.
All my love,